Most of us when we think about marriage, we think about the joys, trials, and tribulations which come along with it before tying the knot but, not many of us consider how our relationship with our in-laws would be. Truth is our in-laws are an integral part of our lives, and they should be, but sometimes in being a part of our lives, a lot can start to go wrong.
As with every relationship, we have to be very vigilant to spot characters which we are not comfortable with early and take steps towards understanding and correcting these characters (if need be). With our in-laws, we probably have to be extra vigilant, so in this blog, we will be taking a look at five signs your in-laws are toxic then examine ways in which such situations can be addressed.
1. THEY TRICK AND MISLEAD YOU
Very often this happens either because they feel starved of attention, they require special favors which they can only get by having you guys divided, or they are plain mischievous. Well whatever the reason may be, you have to nip it right in the bud.
HOW TO DEAL- The simple thing to do in this situation is you, and your couple unites as a couple. Truth is you might not be able to control what your in-laws say or even do, but you can control your emotions. Take everything they mean to you and you with a grain of salt especially when it seems divisionary and most importantly avoid flying off the handle until you hear from your partner.
2. THEY INSERT THEMSELVES INTO YOUR DECISIONS AS A COUPLE
There are times when your in-laws can be a bit pushy and involved-but in a lovely way, it can be a little annoying, but it's not detrimental. However, if you find your in-laws involve themselves so much in your decisions as a couple that it almost seems like they are equal stakeholders, then you have a problem.
HOW TO DEAL- In this case, you have two options. You can either go direct and tell you, in-laws, straight up that you appreciate their input, but you have to make this decision as a couple. Or you can merely nod your heads and smile while they share their view on the matter- then make your choices anyway.
3. YOUR INLAWS CAN MAKE YOU FEEL BAD INTENTIONALLY
There's a chance your in-laws might not like you or they intend to manipulate you and to express this feeling they intentionally make you feel bad. Yes, they might be grown-ups but don't always expect them to act like adults.
HOW TO DEAL- There's no doubt that this situation will be a trying one to handle, especially when you regularly have to make contact with them. You can explain to your in-laws that their words and actions hurt your feelings and it's possible they think of you as being overly sensitive or rub it in the more. Unfortunately, the best bet in this scenario is to limit your interaction with them.
4. THEY DON’T RESPECT YOUR SPACE
You have a mother-in-law who makes it a habit of dropping by unannounced or a father-in-law who expects to spend Friday with your significant other-even though this is one of those rare nights you can spend as a couple. Truth is in-laws who don’t respect space can complicate things on purpose or mistakenly.
HOW TO DEAL- It's difficult to tell someone not to come around without coming off as rude or standoffish yourself. But if your in-laws are genuinely impeding on your time and space, it might be necessary. Explain that even though you love spending time with them, you and your partner need some alone time. To help soften the blow, coordinate a particular date when you can all spend time as a family.
5. THEY TREAT YOU LIKE A YOU ARE A CHILD
Sometimes it’s nice to be treated like a child. I mean hardly anyone would complain when someone else is doing their laundry or fixing them meals. But if your in-laws are making big decisions for you or offering to help cut your steak into bite-sized pieces, you should probably draw the line.
HOW TO DEAL- It may seem harsh, but you have to draw the line as soon as your father or mother-in-law begins to treat you like you're still in diapers. Remember, it's essential as it's things like this that often snowball into more severe intrusions.